How to Criticise People without Causing Offence
How to Criticise People without Causing Offence
In life we often need to criticise
the actions of others, yet at the same time it can be a daunting task. Nobody
likes being told their are wrong or need correcting. Yet, just because people
may not like being criticised, doesn’t mean we can avoid doing it. If we allow
people to continue doing the wrong thing, we will just resent their action and
inwardly hold it against them. This is not a good situation; however, it is
quite possible to criticise others, without making them our permanent enemy.
These are some tactful Ways to criticise others:
1. I have made the same mistake
myself.
This never fails to improve the
situation. Even if it is not true, you can soften your criticism by saying
things like “I have made the same mistake myself…” “In your situation I would
have done the same thing, but…” The reason this works, is that it avoids us
developing an air of superiority. What we are saying is yes, you have made a
mistake, but you shouldn’t feel bad because others have done so too. A good
example is with a new worker. A new worker will be a little nervous and bound
to make mistakes; if we have to point out their errors all the time, they will
feel bad and lose motivation. However, if we say, that’s a mistake, but an easy
one to make, we correct them without making them feel miserable.
2. Tone of Voice.
70% of conversation is through the
tone of voice and facial expressions. Words can be an insignificant aspect. If
you have to point out a failure in someone’s behaviour, be very careful in how
it is expressed.
Avoid speaking in a tone which
expresses, sarcasm, anger, hostility or condescension. As much as possible,
speak in a polite, friendly and natural way. This makes a big difference. Even
if you feel, the person deserves your anger or sarcasm it will not help to
criticise them in this way. If you do, they will react in a negative way. If
you criticise in a thoughtful way, they will be much more likely to be
sympathetic to your point.
3. Smile
If a colleague has done something to
upset us, we find it difficult to criticise without expressing our negative emotions.
If this occurs, try smiling before and during your conversation. When we smile
it subconsciously defuses tense situations. When we smile, it is easier to
relax and create a positive vibration.
4. Criticise Important Things.
Nobody likes a busybody, who will
point out every minor infraction. If you criticise people for every small
mistake, then, when there is something serious they have already developed an
aversion to our critical nature. Be tolerant where possible; if someone does
not share your enthusiasm for putting the stapler in EXACTLY the right place –
we have to remember this is not a major personality flaw. Maybe it is just
easier to live with the stapler being temporarily out of place? :)
5. Disguise the Criticism.
If we are very clever we may be able
to change someone’s behaviour without actually criticising them. If a work
colleague continues to do the wrong thing, try just suggesting the correct way
of doing it. Appeal to their positive nature. Suggesting the correct way of
doing things involves only implied criticism; but, if it results in people
doing the right thing, that is all that matters.
6. Praise then Criticism.
6. Praise then Criticism.
No work colleague is without some
good qualities, (we hope). If you have to criticise someone, why not start off
by pointing out some of the good things they have been doing. This will put
them in a good mood, and therefore they will take the criticism in a much
better frame of mind. Obviously we should have some sincerity in our praise,
otherwise they will see through our false flattery.
7. Praise them for doing the right
Thing. (even if not true)
This method is a bit sneaky, but it
is worth a try. Suppose somebody is very bad at filling in forms. Make a point
of saying to your boss how good the person is at doing this task. If the person
hears, they may be shamed into doing the job efficiently. I got this idea from
watching an episode of the British Sitcom, Yes Minister; The civil service were
refusing to implement the ministers reforms. So the minister went on TV and
lavished praise on the civil service for doing an excellent job in implementing
these particular reforms as soon as possible. What the minister said was
completely false, but because he had praised them on TV, the civil service had
to live upto the Ministers’ praise and implement the reforms.
Tejvan Pettinger works as an
Economics teacher in Oxford. In his spare time he enjoys writing on topics of
self-improvement, meditation and productivity. He writes a blog on meditation
and self improvement called Sri Chinmoy Inspiration. He
also gives Meditation Classes on behalf of the Oxford Sri Chinmoy Centre.
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